How to Tell Someone You Have an Eating Disorder

Community is an important tool in healing from eating disorders and disordered eating.

But navigating how to tell friends and family about your eating disorder can introduce additional stress and fear into your everyday life. For some, not knowing how loved ones will react can become a significant barrier to seeking support. 

Below, we cover actionable strategies for telling someone about your eating disorder that can set the stage for open and honest communication. 

Some of these strategies include identifying supportive individuals, planning key talking points ahead of time, and offering educational resources for those who need more learning on the subject.

Though you can’t predict how everyone in your life will react, practicing self-compassion is essential as you work to build a robust support network for your journey to recovery.

Keep reading to learn more about how to start a conversation with a loved one about your eating disorder.

How Telling Someone About Your Eating Disorder Can Aid Recovery

An eating disorder is a deeply personal condition, which is why it can feel daunting to open up and tell someone about it, even if it’s someone who knows and loves you well.

But finding the right person, or people, to talk to will expand your network of support, which can be crucial in the road to recovery and healing.

The Significance of Opening Up about Your Eating Disorder

Living with an eating disorder can be incredibly isolating. Opening up about the challenges you’re experiencing is a significant step to finding help, but it can also help you to feel less alone. 

The Impact of Seeking Help on Recovery

Nearly 30 million Americans will experience an eating disorder in their lifetime, but only 10% of them will receive treatment. 

There can be many barriers and obstacles on the road to recovery, but data shows that having family and friends in your support network can have a positive impact.

One epidemiologic survey found that adults who experienced remission from their eating disorder reported having more social support than their peers. 

The Benefits of Sharing Your Struggles with Someone

Sharing your experience with someone can also help to strengthen your relationships.

Friends and family may interpret your decision to open up to them as a sign of trust. Building upon these valued and secure relationships can also make it easier for you to communicate your needs more specifically as your recovery evolves.

These needs may include changes to how you share meals or talk about bodies together. 

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Choosing the Right Person to Talk to

Speaking with someone about your eating disorder and recovery can help you feel less isolated and more supported, but not everyone in your life may be right for this role.

Identifying a Trusted and Supportive Individual

Friends, coworkers, and family members all play an important part in your life.

But when thinking about someone to talk to about your eating disorder, it's important to consider who you can open up to who will make you feel safe, supported and free from judgment. 

Considering the Person’s Understanding of Mental Health

In addition to finding someone who makes you feel supported, it’s a good idea to think about which friends or family members have a good understanding of mental health. 

Speaking with someone who understands what it’s like to struggle with mental health, or has another friend or family member who has a mental health condition, may help to bridge the knowledge gap in your conversation. In some cases, you may have a friend who doesn’t know a lot about mental health but has demonstrated an interest in learning more.  

Evaluating the Potential for Empathy and Non-Judgemental Support

It can be hard to know how a friend or family member will support you through this process.

If you’re unsure about whether or not you can talk to someone about your eating disorder, consider preparing for the conversation by telling them that there is something important you’d like to discuss, but that you’re feeling nervous about how they will react. 

Then, evaluate their response to this genuine fear.

If they respond with kindness and empathy, you may feel safe to continue the conversation.

If they follow-up with defensive questions that make you feel ashamed, then they may not be the right person for this conversation.   

Tips for Starting the Conversation

Breaking the ice when talking about your eating disorder with a friend can be intimidating. Here are some tips to getting the conversation off on the right track.

Finding the Right Time and Place to Talk

There’s more than one time and place to talk with someone about your eating disorder.

But there are a few considerations you may want to keep in mind when choosing the optimal environment for this discussion:

• Avoid speaking when distractions are present, like a TV in the background or when one of you is busy with another task, like driving or working.
• It’s best if both of you are rested and alert, which means steering clear of bedtime or right after waking up when starting this conversation.
• Find a time and place where you both have privacy to share honestly with one another. 
• Set aside plenty of time to talk so neither of you feel rushed at any point during the conversation.

Expressing your Feelings and Concerns Honestly

It’s not uncommon to want to hide some of the details of your eating disorder from a loved one.

Even with the most supportive friend or family member, it can be difficult to share openly about the details of your disorder and recovery.

But being as honest as possible with them will help them to understand what you’re going through and meet your needs better.

Providing Educational Resources to Help the Person Understand Eating Disorders

There are many educational resources available that can help your friend or family member learn more about your condition and the stages of treatment and recovery. Below are some resources you can share with them:

• Support at Every Stage: A Guide for Loved Ones of Adults with Eating Disorders, from ANAD (The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders).
• Helping a Loved One from the National Alliance for Eating Disorders.
• Eating Disorder Myths from Project Heal.

Seeking Professional Help and Resources

Having trusted friends and family members you can turn to during the process is important, but most people benefit from a multi-tiered approach to recovery. 

Exploring Therapy and Counseling Options

Individual, group, or family therapy can be a vital component of eating disorder treatment.

There are a wide variety of practitioners and therapy types, so it’s a good idea to research what will work best for your needs and budget.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your options, consider asking your trusted friend or family member to help with the search.

Researching Support Groups and Community Resources

Clinician-led and peer-led support groups can be another, sometimes more accessible and affordable, form of support.

ANAD offers the largest peer support resource in the United States.

Understanding the Role of Healthcare Professionals in Recovery

Healthcare professionals, including psychotherapists, clinicians, and registered dietitians, can provide unbiased and experienced support in eating disorder recovery.

They help individualize your treatment plan to best suit your lifestyle and medical needs. 

Self-Care and Coping Strategies

For most people, recovery is a non-linear process. Learning how to cope with the challenges that arise while granting yourself grace and compassion will go a long way to supporting your ultimate goals.

Practicing Self-compassion and Self-care During the Process

Prioritizing self-compassion and self-care is paramount to overcoming the obstacles to recovery.

Think about what actions or environments make you feel safe, calm, and collected. Stay curious about new behaviors or hobbies that work to nourish your soul and spirit.

For some, this can be spending time in nature, taking a bath, socializing with friends, meditating, or reading a good book. 

Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Managing Emotions

Working with a healthcare professional like a psychotherapist or clinician can help you to develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions, including problem-solving, positive reframing, and support-seeking.

Establishing a Support Network for Ongoing Encouragement and Assistance

Robust support networks can include trusted friends and family members, support groups (virtual or in-person), healthcare professionals, and mentors.

The more avenues of support you’re able to establish, the more options you’ll have when you need it most.

Takeaway

Telling someone about your eating disorder may seem daunting, but it’s an important first step in getting the help and support you need.

Picking the right people to share this part of your life with and planning for the conversation ahead of time can help to ensure that the discussion gets off to a helpful and honest start.

How a Dietitian Can Help

Navigating eating and mealtimes can be a particularly difficult component of recovery.

Working with an eating disorder dietitian will help you to learn how to approach eating in a healthy and sustainable way. 

Find a dietitian who accepts insurance through Nourish.